Beyond Two | Definition of Poly dating

What is polyamory dating and how is it different from regular dating and how do you do it?

Polyamory dating is an art unto itself. There is nothing quite like it in the world. It's exciting and different, it allows you freedom that you never could have imagined but there are some things that you need to know:

Polyamory dating is not as easy as it might sound. Many people think that it's just like any other type of dating but the reality is, it's just not as simple as that. When you are involved in polyamory you are often times not dating only one person, but instead are dating TWO OR MORE!

Where to find polyamory people

Polyamory people are everywhere, but at the same time they tend to be private. They are usually more involved in their relationships with each other so you probably won't find them at the local bar. The best place to find polyamorous individuals is online. A perfect example of a great free polyamory dating site is :)

Picking your partners

Picking a partner is always the hardest part. Not only do you have to contend with the normal issues (attraction, personality) in poly it's sometimes harder because you have to get along with more than one person, and those people have to like you. Those people also have to like each other as well. The best thing to do is to always meet all the parties individually and then together at the same time, and talk. Talk about your likes and dislikes, spend ALOT of time together and make sure that you pay attention to what people are telling you even when they are not speaking. Avoid people that do not communicate well, are impatient, intolerant, controlling, don't listen or are not reliable. If they do not value your opinion, over talk you or disregard what you have to say this is also a bad sign. Absolute deal breakers should be any drug or alcohol addiction problems, or criminal behavior. Any problems you have now will only get worse with time.

The Polyamory date.

When you start dating, most people think of the old fashioned movies, amusement park, dinner, bar. For polyamory people, that might not always be the best idea. It's really hard to have a good conversation when you are sitting in a movie theatre, and it's even harder to have a private converstation standing in line at an amusement park, sitting in a restaurant, or having coffee. Good places for polyamory dating are places where you can have a great in depth conversation without lots of ears and eyes around you. Try to find places where you can keep yourself busy but also sit and relax. Try places ourdoors like the beach, or going on a hike, or do something indoors like going to a museum that has an area to talk. A place that has gardens where you can just sit and exchange ideas and words is good as well.


The most important thing to remember is that when starting off any type of relationship, you should have a plan, a roadmap if you will of where you would like the relationship go. Every person involved in that relationship should have their own version of a roadmap. The idea is to sit down and talk about ideas and plans and make sure that you know what everyone else knows and the long term direction that each person wants to take in the relationship. Although people can change their minds and direction at any time, at least you have a way to get an idea of what will and wont work up front.

Write up your plan

Once you have a basic idea of how things are going to work, you should write things down. There should be agreements in advance about everything, including sex, dating, responsibilities, who does what where how and with whom, how to resolve problems and issues, and what happens on a day to day basis. There should be a firm understanding of how children are dealt with so that all adults in the household or relationship are on the same page when dealing with kid issues. Punishment, adult behavior in front of kids, and kids related responsibilities should all be in any agreement. Household chores, bills, and other responsibilities should be written down as well. Nothing stops pointless arguments like a good contract.

updated 12-23-2013